I’m glad the portrait of Ben Franklin stayed the same on the new $100 bill. There’s something about his slight, tight frown, the paternal hint of disappointment in his eyes and those pursed, sealed lips that seem to say, “I don’t approve of what you’re doing, but I can’t stop you from rolling this banknote into a straw and ripping a fat rail of white lightning in the Buffalo Wild Wings handicapped bathroom stall, you goddamn beautiful disaster.”
Q:I know this is really lame but I think you're insanely gorgeous, amazingly intelligent and a complete badass. I have a HUGE "internet crush" on you. I've wanted to talk to you and tell you this off anon but at this moment I'm feeling shy. I hope this doesn't come off as creepy because that's definitely not my intention.
Haha, you’re way too nice. Are you real? Is this one of those internet scams everyone is always warning me about?